You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
