i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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