I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
