She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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