Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
