My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
