the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
