She's JV to your varsity
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
