Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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