Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
