when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
