You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
