hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
