so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
