He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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