Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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