I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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