We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
