When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
