I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
