So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
