im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
