Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
After tacos, we're chasing women.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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