omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
