How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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