Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
