some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
