you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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