just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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