it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
