When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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