We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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