Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
