But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
