Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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