I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Buhtt sex?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
