k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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