so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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