____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
