New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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