thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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