Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
