I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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