I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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