um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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