and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
