Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
