Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
