Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
