His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
