why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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