Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
