I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize