I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
