I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
