People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
