my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
