Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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