I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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