When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
