im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
