Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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