Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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