All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
That was an excessively violent trivia night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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