false alarm. still invincible.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
